It begins slowly. A birthday forgotten, glasses misplaced, a letter lost, a bill unpaid, car keys which keep vanishing, rules of a poker game confused, a deadline missed, a phone call un-returrned or returned twice, a dinner date kept - on the wrong night; clothes mismatched, names forgotten, friends ignored, messages mixed up, words elusive, old jokes told and re-told again and again and again as if for the first time.
Little things. Unimportant individually. But together they send a cruel message.
The mind is going away. Slowly. And the body is not far behind.
Falling? How did I end up tush over heels in the bath tub? Or in the window well? Nothing bruised or broken. Certainly wasn’t dizziness – just an isolated incident. Ignore it.
Driving? Where did that VDOT truck come from? I’m sure it wasn’t there when I pulled out of the driveway. Fortunately, we have another vehicle – didn’t really need the truck and no one was hurt. But… a trip to Costco or Harris Teeter, once a quick jaunt…has now become a challenge. Any drive beyond the confines of Middleburg becomes a question: “Is this really necessary”? (Local merchants who charge three times the normal price for everything are delighted !)
Fix a leak, repair a broken valve…replace a ceiling light bulb…kneel to pull weeds, plant bulbs, drive the tractor …such simple things…. once the pride of
manhood… now difficult, often impossible. Where did those abilities go? How
did they vanish seemingly overnight?
Entertaining. We were the “party people”. Loved giving dinners for friends; cocktail parties for a hundred (or more); Christmas or New Years? Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, welcome to the neighborhood? Come to our house! What fun they were, those parties of yesterday. Now even the thought of guests sends me spiraling. What to serve, who to invite, what flowers or favors or fun stuff can one produce when simply getting from the kitchen to the living room is a challenge? When living with pain becomes a daily reality.
“A” types don’t accept reality….they try to defy it. Until they can’t. How long can we pretend to ignore the creeping paralysis of mind and body? Push yourself, we say. Write that column, mow that lawn, attend that Benefit affair, call that friend, finish the project so long ignored, volunteer for the Church auction, and pray that no one notices those failing physical and mental frailities.
Find beauty in turning leaves and changing times. And bless those who make each day possible.
-AWB
